HOW TO KNOW WHOM TO
MARRY
“In choosing a
companion, it is necessary to study … the one with whom you are contemplating
making life’s journey. You see how necessary it is to look for the
characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence.”- David
O. Mckay
What have you learned about the process of selecting an
eternal companion?
What fears or reservations do you have?
- · Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
What are the steps to finding the right person to marry?
- Be the right person. Live the kind of life that makes you worthy to be the “right person” for your eternal companion.
o
Marvin J. Ashton, “Do not wait. Rather fill your
life with service, education, personality development, love for all, and other
such meaningful traits. Live with purpose each day.” (Link to talk)
- Date. Hanging out in groups does not have the same effect as a courtship. (Read Elder Oaks’ talk, “Dating Versus HangingOut”
- Become selfless. You have to have an attitude of selflessness if you are going to be ready for a marriage.
- Do your part! Date and analyze if the person is someone you could see yourself marrying.
- “Be just as alert for a diamond in the rough as you are wary of fool’s gold.” –Lance B. Wickman
o
In other words, don’t judge too quickly. Get to
know the person before completely writing them off. Just because a person
hasn’t served a mission or held specific callings in the church doesn’t mean
they aren’t good people that could make for a wonderful companion.
o
Along with this, it is important to remember,
“Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will
date those who are active and faithful in the Church.”- Gordon B. Hinckley
- · Pray for confirmation.
o
Do this only after applying your own judgment
and good sense to the relationship after a sufficient period of time.
o
Marriage is your choice, and the Lord will
expect you to exercise your own judgment.
o
The lack of a contrary impression to your own
feelings may be His way of telling you that He has no objection to your choice.
Other dating advice:
- Wait for serious dating until you are mature enough or out of your teens. The Strength of Youth gives guidelines for those still in their teens for dating.
- Be careful to go to places where there is a good environment, where you won’t be faced with temptation. My dad/stake president always counseled us to never be completely alone. It keeps you safe.
- President Monson, “I would admonish you to maintain an eternal perspective. Make certain that the marriage in your future is a temple marriage. There is no scene so sweet, no time so sacred as that very special day of your marriage. Then and there you glimpse celestial joy. Be alert; do not permit temptation to rob you of this blessing.”
- Calling someone on the phone or speaking to them in person is best when asking them on a date. Texting is a bad idea.
- Remember P.A.D. (proximity, alone, dark)
When I was looking for the right person to marry, I was worried about making the right choice. I didn't want to choose the wrong person, and I was nervous about getting the personal revelation about who to marry. When I started dating my husband, Stephen, my nervous feelings went away. I wasn't worried about making the wrong choice because I received many, many promptings along the way that each time reiterated that he was the right person for me to marry. Some people get one big revelation or sign, but some get many small revelations throughout the dating process. Don't expect your revelation to come the same way as your sister or your friend's did. The Spirit will make it known to you in a way that you will understand.
MAKE A LIST OF FUN, INEXPENSIVE DATES
EXAMPLES:
1.
Tour local attractions (museums, zoos, etc.)
2.
Play a sport
3.
Make movies with a borrowed video camera
4.
Ingredient scavenger hunt
5.
Picnic
6.
Do some service
